28 2 / 2013

I’ve been really interested in personalities and relationships lately. Not *relationships* but the general justregularrelationships.  Work. Friendships. Family. I realized that I have surrounded myself with people who are not really overly supportive. I think it is  because I’m a fixer by nature.  I want to hear your problems and then I want to help you fix them.  Yes, I realize this is both a positive and negative trait and sometimes people just want to hear “there, there, that sucks” and I’m all “you know what you should do!…” which makes them want to murder me.

The downside of this, is that the people I seek out are people that really don’t want to hear about me. They want to talk about themselves and their problems. They are not bad people, I love the people in my life and people connect for all sorts of reasons.  Unfortunately, I’ve managed to not find someone to listen or be curious about my life when I’m going through something. For instance, as you may or may not know, I’m in the midst of this baby thing. I can’t have them on my own and the adoption/foster care process is…holy hell…so long and torturous…and it’s literally been months since any of the people in my life have checked in on it.  I get it, it is taking a long time, I don’t need a special invite to say “hey! I want to talk about this!” but i find it curious. It’s strange to me. To not say “hey, any news?” Again, this isn’t woe is me - if I reach out, my people will listen and be there for me…but it is foreign to me to not be inquisitive. To not want to “help” (I put that in quotes because i realize my help is not necessarily even WANTED, I just force it like some kind of help-vigilante). 

I called my mom recently to just talk about work and I was frustrated with the kid stuff and I just had “stuff” i wanted to share - I got her on the phone and she proceeded to tell me a couple of stories and then say “ok, well, I’m gonna go, I’ll talk to you this weekend.” and i was like - huh - I never got a word out. I’m guessing this is where this all started. Parents, eh? They really screw you!

One of my best friends is going through some stuff - work is busy and awful, life is busy, the usual. I told her recently “hey! I want to catch up, I got a call from the foster lady!” and she never made time. She connected with me to talk about work and stress but when it was “my turn” at the end of the conversation, she had to run. Same thing happened when I had some work stuff to share. Again, she’s great and I love her and I understand being busy…but I think I need to find someone outside of my current social circle that is a fixer. I need someone to fix ME (maybe I just need a good therapist. Probably I need a good therapist).

This post reads whiney and ungrateful - it isn’t meant to. I’m just so interested in how people get to where they are in their relationships. How do you find the right matches? (not *MATCHES* justregularmatches).

TL;DR : people are interesting

  1. lmcg-e said: Yes people are interesting. I don’t always ask people how things are going because I worry they may have had bad news or it isn’t going well and they would rather not have it mentioned. I have been wondering how it was going for you but didn’t like to ask
  2. mathcat345 said: I wonder if it’s because life is in sound bytes now. Gone are the times when we would sit on the front porch after dinner and talk about the day. Yes, I’m old, but I remember those times. I would play while adults talked.
  3. elizabite said: Hey, I’m a fixer too! Here’s what I think! ;) A therapist sounds like a really good stop-gap while you branch out into new friendships and wait on the adoption/Foster care system. It will help relieve frustration and anxiety during the process.
  4. monkeyfrog said: I’ve had the same issues. When I find someone where there is better give and take, I’m fucking thrilled because it’s so hard to find! I’ll happily listen to you anytime.
  5. minorfall posted this